Steven Spielberg Movie Jokes and etc.

Jaws

1) Why did Jaws eat the Captain?

Because he wasn't his chum.

2)Why didn't the "Jaws" ship have a cabin boy?

Because he would have been "first bait".

3) What do you call a shark on Chrismas?

"Santa Jaws".

Transformers

1) What did Optimus call Bumblebee after he drank a 40?

"Fumblepee"

2) Why is Santa Barbara like Cybertron?

Cause there are so many robots at the hospital.

3) Who is the Decepticon who gives out biocontaminated Tickets?

Officer Honatron.

4) The people we listen to on "Hitman Illegal Radio", Mike and Jen Connor are the "DeceptiConnors" and the cops are the "Autocops".

E.T.

1) What did E.T. say in the Cadillac?

E.T. Phony Chrome.

2) Why is Reese Witherspoon like E.T?

Cause she calls down the mothership.

3) In what magazine are both Reese Witherspoon and E.T?

Cosmoterrestrial.

Random

1) What do you call a red haired Puerto Rican?

A Puerto Redcan.

2) What do you call a "Hot Wheels" exotic sports car?

A Lamboteeny.

3) Why did Reese Witherspoon call Cosmopolitan the bible?

Cause she like Morman Margheritas.

Pick Asidz: TeleConfection

Catapult: Being a psychic telekinetic is like being a kid at a candy store. It didn't fully develop with me until I was in my 30's...now 40 I can control it more. Mixed in with the aspect of pornography I have a lot of fun with with it. I always move the camera to different angles with my mind in the course of filming. I also tickle people and I can arouse women without them knowing where it comes from. I do however have some morals to try and keep it a secret. Slikx and Andromeda know, but not my solicited casts. I love the fact of suprise elements to my extravagent flair. I use the look of the old silent movie director as taboo to harness an elementary vision I have. It takes a lot of out of me when I use my power. Aliens have it easy...
So I would think. But I always like the joke about the expandable penis and the clapping man. I kinda wish I was a stretchy guy instead of being a telekinetic. The camera is a friend and enemy as I teeter tot towards a didactic destination.

Pick Asidz: Invisible Spyders and Night Ryders

Streetz: You know they call your best friend "the real spiderman" not only under their breath, but to his face as well?

Crux: Yeah that is common enough...most people treat Trax like an object over a human being! Andreas taste gooed nebishes...is what Trax probably thinks to himself subconsciously.

Streetz: It must be hell for a supposed schizophrenic with an invisible spider infestation in his body? Do you concur? I hear a cop gave him a biocontaminated ticket when he was homeless?

Crux: Yeah you shouldn't never take tickets from cops with gloves on in California or something?

Streetz: What are people supposed to do then?

Crux: I don't know...but don't listen to Johnny Blue Bio-contamination!

Streetz: So let's get off the subject of that kid and tell me about yourself. What about this gang or whatever you are in?

Crux: The Capitulating Duets?

Streetz: Yeah I hear they have a love/hate relationship with some other gang called "the Gridlockx"? Is that just a west coast/east coast thang?

Crux: Well that is easy...we both stemmed from street gangs. The basic differentials are that the Lockx are in technology and the Duets are into the supernatural.

Streetz: How so?

Crux: Well the Duets collect spellbooks and arcanum artifacts, which we call "artifactuals".

Streetz: How do you get your hands on them?

Crux: The underground is full of relics dealers and social miscreant misfits dealing in power flowers.

Streetz: Power Flowers?

Crux: Yeah idealism that doesn't become socially acceptable and stands correctable G.

Streetz: Ok. back to that biocontaminatory thing...it's kind of eating at me. Bio-contamination attracts mutant insects?

Crux: I guess...I'm thinking about asking the Lockx for a hazmat suit with my name on it. Toxic waste dimple on my sin.

Streetz: You people in the Duets love puns?

Crux: Yeah Army ie: Armitage, calls it "bending the verb"!

Streetz: Well I call it a superflous slurpee!

Crux: Yeah too each what they can condone.

Streetz: It seems pignorance is bliss?

Get To know Joshua Paul Shepard?

My name is Joshua Paul Shepard. Adopted and once named Jason Andrew Hamill to begin with...(so I think). Life is always a puzzle to me. Especially here in the Valley of Answers. Spirits are the only ones who give me definative answers, if you can believe that without immediately calling me crazy? But they told me who my bio-parents are. I love the spirit of the big guy...Alan B. Shepard. I have kind of a complex over good and evil. Being a former Jew and believing in heaven and hell...then I came to California and was surrounded by Jesus people. Homeless and desperate. Cast out by Jews who figured it was the end of the trophy line gravy train. God always seems to put me in the hardest predicaments for people to learn from me? I guess I make it hard for myself at the same time? Life on earth turning into a conflict between heaven and hell? Dial Dreamscapz or something...fiction meets reality on my battlefield. Comprehension is to be around me and succomb to your own disbelief. You are not evil if you have an open mind towards the suppressed supernatural inherent in not only me, but people with aristocratic bloodlines. You have to figure that their survival instinct was won through being god's chosen in battle and tactics. Such is my demeanor!

Pick Asidz: Dare me to Compare...Contrast to Outlast

Fanfare: I'm in love with a 14 year old...does that make me a female pedaphile? Brains are what I worship like some kind of love sick zombie. I feel like Mary Poppins giving the chimney sweepers rhibinol. Or sleeping beauty waking up to a lobotomy. My brother steals the freaking show and tell all the freaking time. It drives me crazy glue...I'm jacklyn frost to him, the little boss. What I say goes to all you hos! My brother is such a space cadet with all his fictitious bullshit. A cop gave him a biocontaminated ticket? That's hard to believe...not in California when I give it a second thought. Black people seem to relate to him pretty well...(that being kind of an understatement). I wish Flipsidz would have given him a laser gun instead of an android. What would the paparazzi do with a sticky taped schizo like Trax. (Maybe I'm schizo too...cause I hear the same voices?) The truth is in bumblefuck for all I know...Right asshole?

Pick Asidz: Whimper Timber

Pesticide: You ever know pain boy? (wishing he could be saying that to Mike Connor as his victim)

Victim Isaac: Are you going to kill me?

Pesticide: Probably, but I asked you a question and here is a suggestion...Don't trigger where you can better figure!

Victim Isaac: How much do you want to let me go?

Pesticide: How much did it cost to get in? Oh a doe is a deer...Can you sing do re me? What's that? Fatso let me go? Bad if you call me fat you mark!

Catz climb...Dogz ryhme...

Dogs are so grounded
Cats are so aloof
Dogs know there is a greater heirarchy to things
Cats try to make their own proof!

What is good? All that allows us into heaven...
God is my chariot and Jesus is my beacon...
I wish I could accept him as the Lord of Angels...
But I felt like I wasn't needed or acknowledged when he came back...
As an angel of Mercy named Asraih...

Raih is a name for archangels coming from ray...

Ex: Kesraih, Maraih, Misraih, etc.

Eus, Is, and exus are demonkind

Ex: Malis, Maleus, Malexus...

Just a little tidbit from a former exorcist turned angel...Obediah...talking to my spirit.